Recently I told a friend that I had intentions of not dating again for six months after my last relationship ended. While six months isn't exactly a long time, it has proven to be much harder than I expected. I ended up caving, and went on two first-dates. In the end, I made two pretty good male friends, but didn't really find a lasting relationship (which is probably a good thing because my friend would have kicked my butt...as well she should have).
But why is it so hard as humans to live a life of singleness? Why was it so hard for me to just say "no" to the two men that asked me on a date?
I guess for that, we'd have to start at the Beginning.
Genesis 1:1
"In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth."
Then we skip to Genesis 2:18 (after God created Adam)
"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him'."
Is this really what it's all about? It's really that simple? We crave love and companionship and God created male and female to be together because it's "not good" to be alone? BINGO.
Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong about being single. Paul later says in 1 Corinthans 7 that it's GOOD to be single.
So, is the Bible then contradicting itself? No, it's not...
It IS good to be single, living a life devoted only to God...but it's not morally wrong to marry and most people crave that companionship, and that's where marriage comes in. But before we get to marriage, we have to date, right? Well, maybe...maybe not.
Though there are many different definitions for the word "date", I chose this definition that fit what I am implying. It comes from dictionary.com
| 5. | "a.an appointment for a particular time, esp with a person to whom one is sexually or romantically attached: she has a dinner date " OR "to be a boyfriend or girlfriend of (someone of the opposite sex)" There are so many different terms now for dating, that I sometimes feel out of the loop. Theres "boyfriend", "girlfriend", "going out", "hooking up"....the list goes on and on. What ever happened to "going steady"? I miss that. Our society has gone from The Beatles "I want to Hold Your Hand" to "I.F.U" by Usher which has lyrics that say, "I think sex was made for strangers. Making love is made for the ones who plan to stay together......I aint gotta be your man, you aint gotta be my girl." etc. So, what if....just what if I amended this whole "no-dating-for-six-months" rule? What exactly would be the implications? "Well," (you'd say) "I guess you'd start dating again..." Well, you'd be wrong. What would happen if I amended it to say that I'd never date again. *Insert GASP here* Never date again? But how would one ever find a husband in this manner? I guess here is where I'm supposed to say, "Just Kidding!" But the truth is, I'm not. I'm not here to tell you that all dating is morally wrong. That's not my place. Dating, in itself, can be completely innocent. But the connotations that our society have put on dating, as well as the social pressures and standards, quite frankly, have me fed up. What would the world look like today, if dating hadn't evolved into what it is? If dating looked exactly the same as it did a century ago.... Well, I guess this is where "courting" comes into play. So, how does the dictionary define "courting"? "to seek the affections of; woo." There's a word for you. Woo. I want to be wooed. I suppose courting is similar in nature to dating, with a few very specific differences. In the olden days, women who were being courted were allowed to go on chaperoned dates. A man would get to know the woman's father and would ask his permission first to court his daughter. After permission was granted, the couple would see each other in public places, or with a chaperone. They would continue on these "dates" until it was clear that the two would make a suitable match. Then the young man would ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage. So, how exactly is this so different than our modern-day dating? First, the father as head of house is directly involved with the meeting and "wooing" of the young couple. He would see it as his responsibility to protect his daughter and give her away only to a man that was worthy of her. Nowadays, if a girls dad is even in the picture, he usually doesn't get much say as to who she dates and pursues. Secondly, these "dates" were either in very public places or overseen by a chaperone. I doubt we'd have as much of a problem with teen pregnancy these days if only their dates were chaperoned by an adult or parent. Maybe you see chaperones as a bit extreme. I, myself, don't exactly want to get to know a guy with another person breathing down my neck. But maybe this means that I can't talk to a guy in an enclosed room when it's just the two of us. That seems more reasonable. And lastly, courtship was different than dating in that it had a specific purpose in mind. Marriage. There was no living together before marriage. No "trial runs", no "test drives". You simply found the person you could love and made it work. I'm not saying that my mind is set on courtship rather than dating, but what if... Would it really be so bad of me to expect a guy to meet my parents and gain their approval before I sought out a meaningful relationship with him? And would it really be so bad of me to want to protect myself and set boundaries so that temptation of sex before marriage isn't an issue? And would I really be such a terrible person if I wanted to set an end goal of marriage instead of dating just to date? I honestly do want some feedback on this. Do I expect too much out of men in todays' society? Is this a realistic goal to set for myself?  |
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